Kickstand - a page one rewrite

In April 2011, I was hired to rewrite a short script called The Bike. The director hoped to be selected into an advanced directing class at Columbia College with the script, but the instructor wasn't having it. Thomas was not a practiced writer and only had one week to resubmit an acceptable draft. 

He asked me to rethink the story while keeping the childhood experience it was based on relatively intact. I assured him this was not a problem, as the story of a boy retrieving his stolen bike could easily be cinematic and engaging.

Thomas' draft took a little too long to get going. The bike is not stolen until page five, followed by two pages of Mikey pursuing the thieves. Ultimately, he just happens to catch them right in front of a police station.

Below is an excerpt from Thomas' draft:

Mikey takes action, but his methods could be more exciting. He wins far too easily. Then, after the culprits are brought into the police station, they are immediately remorseful. Mikey's forgiveness is the conclusion of his arc, but the arc was never established at the start.

I pitched Thomas a new concept: What if these bullies terrorize the whole neighborhood? Mikey is merely a witness to their various shenanigans... until it gets personal. The theft of his bike springs him into action. He gathers the neighborhood victims and declares war on the bullies. In the process, he learns that more violence might not be the answer.

I was happy to hear that Thomas was admitted into the class with my draft, and that it was produced. The finished film turned out very well! A link to the full script can be found below:

The Bike (Thomas' original).pdf

Kickstand (my rewrite).pdf